let the title tells...
yes,
few more hours later im gonna be 21st...
officially GROWN!
anyhow~
as how i nervous over my party preparation,
from invitation, foods and liquor,
I just cant stop thinking about it...

my buddies all were nervous as well,
cos it gonna be the day we spend our party time again..
this time it gonna be a huge gang i guess..
from primary secondary to national services... all join...
i pray real hard to make it work seriously...

As for today at office,
I called up Elaine to confirm,
on earlier few weeks ago,
she tell me how high and how deep,
that she gonna come~
yet today i called again to confirm,
she said she couldnt make it...
just a lil disappointed,
but i knew it somehow..

got off work real late due to im taking leave on my birthday,
got stucked in the traffic jam,
yet im kinda emo cos really tiring i am..
reached home then received Ian's call...
i heard he sounds weird...

Ian: lilian, i cant make it to your birthday this saturday..
Me: why? whats wrong? (as he sounds weird...)
Ian: *sobbing* my mum..... passed away....

I was shocked..
I couldnt said anything but sorry...
and im started to worry him..
he is a best friend of mine,
who understands me,
doesnt need me to say anything ....
and speak my words...
put his hand over my shoulder and tell me everything gonna be alright..
i remember there are twice i broken up with different guy,
he were cheering me...
giving me the support that doesn't need any words to speak or action,
just a feelin he gave me,asking me to be tough....
there are once we went club,
i cried and drunk,
he were all the way with me...
holding me, scolding me and look at me all the time,
i cant stop crying, in the car and in the club,
he scolded me.... yet he worried me...
he those insane type, always talk non sense,
but the only things he hope,
was just a laugh from friends...

I remembered i met his mum at his birthday party last year,
it was just last year...
im shocked over the news...
aunty,
rest in peace..
Ian always the good boy of urs...
I know he will misses u...

Me: do you need me to go over?
Ian: I ... don't know.... I... see how.... i will call u if anything...
Me: promise me be tough ok? I will check with you some other time ok?dont be too sad...
Ian: i ...will... some other time ....

I called up babe and tell her,
asking her keep the secret...
i said i wanted to go and find him,
babe asked me not to,
as my birthday coming soon,
not suppose to go...
but i just really worry Ian i said...

i cant stop worrying him,
he never sound that weird to me...
he always cheerful,
always being really insane and fool me...
I just pray hard,
he will get strong sooner....


Last year i spend my birthday with "him"...
without any surprises i want,
without any gift,
without any celebration,
just a hug from him and continue watch movie...
that's it...
lol,
this year more quiet...
I shall say,
it always that quiet....
all these years,
i spend it silently,
although i want an unique 1...
i thought this year my 21,
i can spend with drew,
finally...
yet....
i lost it indeed :)
what shall i say now?
fate isn't it?
although 21,
but i gotta spend it alone ....
not that bad isn't it?

Alone,
but i create plan....
this year i am clever....
no longer waiting people to celebrate with me...
just that,
still feel lonely.....

21,
a new age with new start...
my big day always falls on the mid of the year,
i always tell myself a new start begin..
and this time,
it is a new stage new start,
why?
cos 21 mean u r officially grow up..
am I?
well,
i grow up from time to time,
hopefully with 21,
i learn more and more?
who knows~~~

wishes for this year?
well,
let keep it ..
or maybe i will tell,
but not now............

Advance happy birthday to myself :)