After for so long, it is the time to end up the unknown relationship for both of us..
yes, is "him" again...

He called up on Thursday while i was in the gathering with the secondary schoolmate, asked for a date on sunday, i cant really hear him while my side were really noisy so we sms each other, he told me to spend time with him on saturday till sunday.. he said he will pick me up, but we argued over it on Friday night cos i'm confused so do him..

ended up i said i will drive all the way to KL and find him, hopefully my car can really drive to there... the last msg he sent to me saying he will pick me up at my house although he doesnt remember how to come, he worried cos is dangerous for me to drive with that lousy car.. i din reply as I fall asleep..

Saturday:
went for medical checkup in the early morning, dad and mum were beside me... I always scare of medical checkup and never really went for an actual 1, as this time its free for my pre employment for other company, so i went for it.. till when they have to take my blood, I tried to hide my fear but ended up... hmm, goes wrong, lol.. then went for another checkup as they seems like notice my ears having some problem, mum scolded me ask me not to wear earplug anymore.. i always listen to songs with high volume and using earphone, from now on, i cant anymore T.T

went to grandpa house till kinda late... he called but i din pick up.. from that time... I realized is time... for me to let go.. I told him I cant make it as my car cant drive, using excuses to avoid meet him.. he said he will come over and pick me, but i reject.. till he got fed up and said whatever.. then we argued.. I told him that I got tired over those situation, those without any status feeling.. I cant take it anymore... I dont want to be third party, like how he did to our relationship
before.. he scolded me still... I can't argue so I said we will stop contacting from that on, after sending the last msg to him, i said we wont ever contact.. he got even fed up and reply me, mentioned he was planning to have a celebration for my birthday, a movie and popcorn.. mentioned he suddenly think back the past, realized I've changed, no longer emo and abnormal..he said he would delete everything about me from now on,I dont wish to argue, then i send the last sms ask him to take care,he replied with anger, but i din reply anymore... no point for us to continue sms ....

To him: Whatever happened, we bear the responsibilities about over mistakes.. you might dont think you did wrong, but do you think, is a right thing to do that, when you having a girl, u had another second one? do you ever thought you always the right one? I always thought you are really rational enough to handle me and alot of things, but you just say but never meant to do, i lied myself from the time i together with u till even now, hoping that we would have the chance to get back, but i lied, you lied as well... we ignored the facts.. the facts we are not suppose to do wrong things.. You even said im abnormal, mentally problem, I admit , cos i care my loved one more than you can imagine, but I just cant close my eye once and once seeing u have another one while we are together.. i bear with you for all these while, even we broke up, i keep with you still... but ever i realized, your heart not here, you have someone you loved... then why i deserve to live, live like a mouse, a girl who waiting in the dark side to wait the man to come over and find her, without knowing when how and what.... I'm tired, i need love, i need care, but not this... I might sound insane again, but at least i realized i cant make it wrong anymore.. you can hate me, for saying i fooled you, but what about... when i together with you, you with another girl have sex over genting, and what about my feeling when i know the facts? i let you lied to me, let you fooled me even after we broke up, but not now anymore.. I had enough... the pain ruined my love to other guy, ruined the trust ... ruined my relationship, i lost the one i loved... it is pain, really hurtful...you said u wan to celebrate my birthday, you treat me nice,let me do whatever or choose whatever i like, but wont you feel, that is too late? when i together with you, you doesn't spend much sincerity to celebrate my birthday even try to avoid my birthday and valentine, but we broke up, you wish to do... especially when, i said, " i hope there is someone i can spend and celebrate my birthday, except frens and family..i wish it would be you" im saying this, knowing you will turn the pictures around like how i do, yes... and u said it... you told me you wish to celebrate with me with movie? that is? I'm sorry, but the kindness of yours is too late...you can scold me and hate me, go on, but seriously, I don't want anymore... i might sound blaming you for everything, but when things goes this way, I've admitted my wrong from start, but you never... even when the wrong things u done, i have to say sorry stilll... im asking myself, what the heck im doing? like i said, I had enough.....

I need love i need cares, I need someone to love, but my heart were broken into glasses pieces, hardly to patch it back ...

he deleted me , I hope he do.. from now on, whatever happen about him and will he find another 1 just like how he did to me, or maybe another affairs,i dont give a damn anymore.. although i will be really miss, cos i misses the past.... i know i gonna be really emo when i think about "him", as part of us were really good memories, for sure feel upset that we already stranger, but... from the bottom of my heart, i do hope he live happily, i do hope those i loved, drew and "him" will really live happy with their own girl... ( forgive me that im tearing at this part, cos i just couldnt imagine, things goes till this way, the feeling of losing the one you loved and realized they having someone beside them which the someone not me...were really pain.....)

for the three years promise, there are once i try to convince myself to believe, but.... it wont happen, isnt it? We lied again...

at night went out with David they all again, of cos the two couple with me and David.. after dinner and shop with family, i told David i wish to go out as well, as he finding ppl to go out also.. babe said they wanted to go watch movie so we followed.. reached Henry's house(Henry = shun, as we accidently know he had a nickname xD), Johnson and Chloe went to Cineleisure to buy ticket, so four of us went for dinner at sunway... till we went to cineleisure to watch our 12.40am movie - Prince of Persia.. it is quite nice actually, but due to four of us were really tiring, we keep yawning, yet Johnson and Chloe were really excited..

while walked out from cinema, i think of "him", as the 1st time i came to cineleisure was with him, he guided me and we have our movie date, i smiled.... then walked to car park... there were fewww times again we got seduced by the aroma and music at Library and Laundry even Sanctuary, but we keep it till the next week, as it gonnnaaaa be the rock ever one...

David fetched me back, we both were really tiring, i keep yawning and so do him... haha, i tried hard not to sleep~ but it is really hard T.T so find some jokes and laugh with him... and finally, i reached home at 3am~

few days more till my big girl day...i guess i'll spend all alone the day cos i took a day leave.. hmm, maybe is a good thing also? to spend alone birthday :) ... but i havent done any preparation for the party, gosshhhh, hopefully it can done before the day~~~

try to tell myself not to emo, but i can't actually... let me have this moment all alone for tonight, as i try to let go everything... waking up with another new day, a new age for me to get new things on my life, last few days for the big day of mine, from the big day start, i will try my very best to live up another new life, let the things b'fore 20 years old, became memories....