Here comes sunday again,
this is different,
well,
cos its raining heavy now...
making my mood drop to down down hill...
it suppose to be a good night for me..
which i making myself worst..

Saturday:
it isnt some special day..
due to sunday morning have to wake up to go for qing ming,
whole day i stayed home to flip all the gold and silver papers that have to burn for both grands..
at the night,
it is earth hour,
i followed mum went to grandpa house ..
at 1st was thinking to go club,
thought of calling Raj telling him im goin,
ask him to keep me a table,
but ended up my crew aint going,
so i cancelled my own plan ...
babe called up ask me follow her,
but i dont feel like going with her cos her gang all are drunker,
and goes differently when they drunk,
i dont like this kind of situation,
so i rather choose to go grandpa house..
stays around 2 hour then went back home,
drive alone to 7 Eleven to buy stuff,
when in the car,listen to club hitz,
i dont feel excited,
maybe cos i am really tired...

Sunday:
woke up 5am,
done all the stuff then drive to Xian Jing shan zhuang...
everyone are soooo early,
its already jam at that time...
everyone scared i guess...
cos almost whole klang area chinese come over...
so started to clean up grands grave yard,
finished at 8 something,
then went over to another side relatives for my mum's mother...
had a few talk with my cousin about the problem between my cousin bro and cousin sis...
something kinda embrassing..
everyone is saying that is my cousin sis fault,
well,
is fact... cos she the one find things to argue...
what to do,
cos she is rich people..

went home and sleep till 12pm,
lay on the bed thinking again after wake up..
suddenly think of Annie and Thomas,
the couple...
who i used to mix with when i together with Q...
mins later,
Annie messaged me,
i was really suprised why does she msg me of all the sudden,
we stop contact each other ever since i broke up with Q,
and after i broke up with drew,
we met once but not long...
she msg said she think of me as well...
it was a weird day,
cos at the early morning,
while im standing waiting my uncle to throw the syiling on the floor see whether grands finish eat,
but failed,
till my dad throw,suddenly i lose bump..
while im talking with sis,
my sis asked me lose bump is it?
i said yea..
then dad throw the syiling,
grands finished ate,
i was like...
my godddd...
mum said grandma sayang me,
so u lost bump lar..
i dont know what shud i react =.= ...
then on the same day,
ppl who in my mind ,
suddenly msg me..
real weird...

Q msg me at the same time,
asked me to go out,
as i promised that will go out with him,
earlier i called up ling but she is at devil house,
so not to bother i din plan to go out anymore...
i rejected Q mentioned that im tired after morning,
but i promised i will go out a date with him some other day..
i din told annie i still keep in touch with Q,
as Q already had gf,
not too good for me to get close to him and letting annie them know..
so we both keep it as a secret..
Q said he understood im tired and easily get sick if i over tired...
so we canceled..

till now...
i read drew and his girl blog...
i dont know what feeling i am now...
but im sure i cried ...
for pain or happy i dont know...
just feeling im tired of having this kind of unknown feeling over me..
seeing the guy i love badly,
praising how good his gf and how much he love her,
seeing how she satisfy and being an understanding gf for him...
he laugh and hug and kiss and told her something that he used to told me when im in his room,
" who said we dont look suit? "
(looking at the mirror while hugging me behind)
"hehe..(kiss on his face)..."
"i love to see like how u look like now... pretty..."
(felt sweet )
while he telling similar things to her in his room,hug and kiss her,laugh together,
i am suffering here cry alone ...
sis told me something i dont wish to hear and something i dont know how to react,
i told her i know i cant give him what he really want even if we together,
i go on with the fact,
realized alot of things,
but somehow,
its hard to forget the love...
im ....
TIRED..
lol i am really tired...
seriously fucked up..
lol..
gosh...
i cant even continue anymore,
forget it....

bless i have a good night sleep...
hopefully..

Im afraid.........