Suprised to saw what you post on my blog,
I never thought you will read it ...
Seriously,i don't .
I even have the illusion that thought you were still .....
but i know I'm having a wrong illusion..

A question you asked,
I decided to write it this post to tell you.
You might dont want to read it,
or you read it slowly,
is still up to you.
Cos I let it be the only chance i could tell out,
i dont feel regret if I try for one last time.

Im moving on,
somehow,
i move by a different way;
I tried,
i used up my everything even my life,
to move on by forget about you,
laugh and smile like how i used to,
like you never be in my life..
Ended up,
whatever i do still because of you,
because i tried to forget about you...
then how am I going to move on ?
I then decided to move on different way,
as I keep myself loving you,
move on from day to day,
with loving you and at least,
I feel safe, feel better rather than take you off my mind ....
as you walked away,
has already been taken a part of me away too,
then the left one,
is in my mind,
i can't take it off,
cos i might lost myself...
how am I going to be?
I dare not to figure it out,
cause I told myself,
let go! but i wont let you go away from my mind ...
you were always there,
carved in my mind and heart,
there is no way I could move on to love someone else...

You can...
isnt it?
i always said,
you having a life i admired...
after we broke up,
you still have friends and admirer around you,
you could be happy ...
i can feel you are happy now,
cos at least,
the one who beside you,aren't me ...
Now you found someone you loved,
and you moved on...
Im glad...

at least,
the hurts from me to you,
could slowly disappear by having someone beside you and make you smile ...
I don't mind you already forgot about me,
what i mind,
the scars i made in ur heart ....
i hope it could gone,
and someone could fill your heart with love..
as long you are happy..
Im enough...
There is no why or not why i dont move on,
as long...
you moved on and the smile on your face,
then is enough...

Do you know why I being different kind at the last we talked..
why i act like a bi*ch and made you totally pissed off?
If i never do so,
I can't love you with feeling safe and at least,
i could post and think about you all the moment.
You said,
you wont talk with me if im someone who love you,
you rather don't want to be friend..
Then i decided to make you pissed,
and let you deleted me in everything that connect with you...
We already totally cut off,
i dont want the last option to love you in my life also lost.

There is regret i can't tell,
since you moved on,
then keep going,
let me feel safe to love you here ...

I can't,
i can't love someone else,
I can't take you off,
I can't move on like how you did,
just let me,
to think and dream about ,
the moment we had,
at least,
thats the only way i could smile now ..
only think and dream,
could let me love,
i dont want to lost it ...

I post every single things if i think about you,
i don't know how much i posted,
but i do know,
everything now,
is still about you ...
i could smile by just thought you with me,
I'm sounds insane,mentally problem,
i dont care now,
at least i could be happy by doing that .

I even smile and laughed over myself,
caused I never thought i will possible love a guy so much,
and think about him everyday ..
even,
dreamt of him ..
I never dream other,
but this time different,
i guess cause i keep you in my mind,
and i dreamt about you,
somehow ....
i feel safe to be in the dream,
cause you were smile real happy with me,
and said you love me ...
I dont want to let go this,
caused this is the only guy i truly loved,
i can said now,
in my life,
and the rest of my life ....

You maybe feel,
isnt that too late to appreciate the love you gave to me?
i know its late ...
and apparently,
im already regret,
yet i could do anything.
The only i can,
by loving you on my own.
People asked me to take you back,
dont let go,
dont miss it,
dont make yourself regret..
however,
whats more important now...
is knowing you happy,
then enough,
doesnt matter i lost it or what,
doesnt matter i tell or dont tell,
at least i know,
you are happy now..
aren't you?
having a girl who loved you and you loved too ...

The promises we never get the chance to fullfill,
i decided to let it happen by my own,
going back to the place we used to spend,
eat and watch back the things we used to do together,
at least i feel better,
cause i bring you inside my heart to do...

I looked upon the sky,
i thought about the star i used to shine in our eyes,
you said,
"next time we see star together again ok?"
but there is no more next time ...
the star i saw along the place i walked,
it doesnt shine like the one in my heart,
i even silly,
think of all sort of way,
to create a star shape,
shine at night when im in the dark room alone,
at least i can saw the shining one,
but i failed...
silly right?

I keep said ,
im letting go,
i can go away ,
i moved,
but i never did,
haha,
i never ...

your image in my mind were never gone blur,
it always that clear,
so,
how am i suppose to forget?
haha ...
wake up,
is you,
on the way to work,
is you,
working,
is you,
eating,
is you,
sleep,
still you ..
walked the mall,
watch movie,
seeing a couple holding hands,
almost everything i can think is about you ...
i dunno how also ...
so,
might as well just think and think~
love n love,
then i feel better ...

is a lifelong regret,
that i lost someone who loved me ...
when i wanted to appreciate,
there is no more ...
and thats why,
its too late for me to realized,
caused you can't anymore ...
pretty sad huh?
lol...
there even are times that i thought you will be with me back,
but all that,
just the only way to let myself feel better..
i know i lied to myself,
to said you still love me which is not true,
but...
it still .... at least i can smile from my heart.

The ring you gave to me,
it is....
something very important to me,
you know,
i even think of,
someday if happen anything,
the thing i will take along with me,
is the ring ...
dont know why,
it just a small ring,
but it meant so much,
and it has something which i can't explain,
that makes me feel that you are with me,
a weird feeling ...
i guess it has the curse then....
im glad you gave it with me,
at least there is still left one thing about you with me,
i will keep it dearly...

Drew,
Thanks for reading my post,
i guess thats it what i can answer you ...
i dont know whether you will still feel im bullshitting after broke up or not,
but just really thanks you could read till this part,
at least i know,
you still care a lil about me..
dont worry about me,
just move on in ur life =)
im alright,
im still the lilian ...
the one who still keep her promise...
the promise that she told you before but she never did it when the time should,
but now,
i keep it myself ...
As im still deeply in love with drew now ...
i chose to go on by loving you and move on,
im moving also right =)?

anyhow,
is still a relief finally i spoken out ...
no matter whats the ending ....

be happy with your girl alright?
i will bless you from day to every single moment,
as long i can feel,
you are happy,
then i can smile ...
i keep my every single breathe,
to pray hard you are happy...
Thanks for being part of my life before,
"is me,im the freak, but thanks for loving me, caused you doing perfectly...."
im sorry,
for can't be with you for the rest of your life,
i bless,
you found someone who truly love you and you love too...

One thing for sure i can tell you,
I never meant to let it be this way too,
I'm even think about going far,
yet.....
I'm the one who ruined,
and i deserved the punishment for my whole life,
Still,
I'm sorry .................

B: D,you missed you something at this end of the post you know..?
D: what?
B: *whisper but sounds loud* I love you ......................... :)