it starts with a bad luck to me..
i mean 2010...
start with the new year,
gt some misunderstanding with family..
fine,den go club,
it is a lucky thing still..
wake up the 1st day of 2010 morning,
drop my phone on the floor,
i picked it up like nth happened..
worst comes when i tried to changed my sim card at the night before i go to sleep,
ended up i cant switch on my phone..
what a shyt happens..
here comes fucking bad mood with these few days..
ytd went to pyramid,
no phone,no ic somemore,
all my own fault..
i blame myself instead of the god..
things goes on like nth happened..
people cant find me i cant find nobody..
fuck it when my mind,
cant i just stop makin myself emo ?
the more i think the more i felt like crying,
i miss him fuking badly...
im goin insane soon!
still without my phone..
went to watch avatar,
its a nice movie,
but fuck it,
i have no mood..
mum saw it and said gv me back my another phone which hers 1 she lost it..
goddamn i dont nid the phone back,
cos makes me like im fucking useless ..
people might dont understand but guess what?
you guys wont understand when u not me ...
things might looks simple and easy,
it it NOT!
my mind only him..
while im walking in the mall,
while im watching movie,
while im on the way back,
all about HIM!
how fucking i am which i wish to be with him back,
but things wont happen,
but shyts happen..
for god sake,
i love him like i never fall in love before,
i wont have him back eternally..
i hurted him,
he forgets me..
he got his own life without a shadow of mine..
without thinking of me no more..
what for i keep loving him i asked myself,
what for i miss him and waited miracle to happen when his heart not here anymore?
but one fact,
a fact shown,
I aint fucking gonna forget about him..
cos i just love him much till i totally laugh over myself and i totally cant denied it ..
which already becomes a fact,
but fact shown again,
he aint here no more,
how hard i shout,
how deep i fall,
how shyt i am,
he wont see me and feel me anymore..
he wont feel that someone somehow the girl he loved before,
is still loving him that much...
and goddamn she missed it,
missed the chance to tell him how much she loves him..
and she is fucking regret cos she hurted him,
how hard she wish,
she could be with him again....
but guess what...
it wont ever happen..
"how touching of the things u done,but i just cant anymore,i just can't...."
with this words,
i stop myself of tot that i have the chance to be with him whenever i think of him...
i'll stop thinking of him even its hard,
this words pops out,
and i know im in the reality,
he aint here,
and we aint goin back ...
we aint goin to laugh like we used to..
tearing up now ......
a day again,
a day I'm live without him,
hiding aside and being who i am,
i know i back to my bed,
i dream of him again,like the previous everyday,
i can meet him in the dream still,
thats the only place i can meet and show how much i love him...
but when i wake up,
there is the day start,
i have to hide myself,
and show the another me who laughs and smile like she nth happen and keep walking the day..
but the different,
its a new week,
a new year,
i have nth new but the old feeling still there ...
i'll keep going on walk with the hidden loves...
keep on till there is no ending ...
i hardly love another guy anymore ...
cos my heart just took away to somewhere someone who dont even know my heart were there..