a tough one for me today ...
i finally pace in the place i most scared ...
the restaurant that i last went with him,
and that was the time we finally ended...
family said went inside and eat,
i were real scare and my hand non stop trembling when i look at the place we sit together..
its empty...
i pray hard that my family wont choose to sit the place,
yes they din,
but my eye just keep stare on the table..
till the waiter direct me to the other table..

i eat as much as i could,
fill up myself...
weird huh?
normally wont eat that much..
cos ..
i remember the day we sit at the table,
i ordered a meal,
but i just ate few scope..
den i leave it..
today i done a different thing,
just to make sure myself ...
dont think of that ...
but still....
yeah,obviously i cant..

from that time,
i let myself think about him ...
walked the escalator,
which i asked to hold his hand for once last time but he dont want ..
the place he walked infront but i follow him behind,
looking at his back..

the place we both hold hand and laughed together,
goin to the cinema..
the cinema......
the cinema that we used to go together,
hugged him while waiting to buy pop corn...
smiled and he hugged me..
the moment he let me take his jacket..
the jacket i love the most ...

while walking,
saw those couple...
i just seems like saw me and him are the one ...
but..
that just an illusion....

till went i on the way back,
the way he drive me home ...
suddenly i listen "already gone"..
till now i still rmb,
the time i listen the song,
two tears drop down...
cos im hurt enough ..
to accept the facts that he is not with me anymore ....

i know the fact,
yet i couldnt wake myself up,
to accept it,
to go on....
damn!

i wish and wish,
i were real selfish enough to hold him...
not being that stupid enough and hurt him till he scared,
then i wont lost him..
but fact!
fukin fact shown~
i lost him ...
all i can do,
just what i can do now ...

damn,
real bad mood im having now ...
insomia again ....
argh!
lol,
anyway,
sudah biassaaa~

i might geram till slap myself,
but i wont do dat now,
cos no point...

now?
i smiled while im writing this post..
why?
cos i felt i never love someone till that crazy already,
and yeah ...
this is the one and the last now i guess...

a relief,
after cried ...