I never want to be that weak anymore,
but i never thought i could cried for that long...

I laughed over myself,
why i cried...

i cant stop myself,
too hard to get thru it ....
too far to cross...

im exhausted,
but i just can't stop myself from crying every night..
im scared,
im freaking scared ....

i dont want anymore...
i just dont want anymore...
im tired..

im crying that hard,
scream the hell out,
but my pain just can't get out,
god ..

i can't stand any longer,
i just can't stand that long soon ....

"Get thru it you can!"
I told myself,
but ......................
i can't stand any longer ....

just to stop myself for think of him,
i bite myself each time i think of him,
bite till it pain,
just to stop forget about him ..
till it leave a mark..
why am i doin so?
i just want myself feel the pain rather than my heart ...
till it numb,
i keep bite,
till i can't feel the pain anymore ...
im doing so,
just to let myself forget about him,
thats the only way i could do for now,
cos i already tried all sort of ways,
nothing works,
i dont mind hurt myself,
just to forget about him ...


lol,
im insane ....
i am insane ....

When understood where the pain came from,
i finally realized ....
it is really that hard to get thru ...
never that easy to fall never easy to grow...

love someone could be in 3 days,time to take him/her off from our heart could be years or even forever ...

I know it now,
i never want to be like this ...
i never wanted to...

I dont want anyone to saw im that weak,
please...
if you saw this,
go away,
ignore me ...
ignore me if you saw im deeply insane,
ignore me even u saw how bitch or idiot i am..
jz ignore me will do ...

the place i feel safe is here,
and i would cry n yell over here,
but i dont want people to know im that weak...
especially him,
i dont want him to know i can't ...

go away,
go away nightmare,
i had enough ...
i just want to close my eyes,
dont want to see..
i want to shut my mind down,
dont want to think anymore..
get away from it forever ...