its been 4 months 12 days....
yes,
is him again...

the days without him,
im getting used of it ....
tearless...
perhaps I'm recovering from time to time,
could get used the life without him...
not totally without him and find another one,
apparently im getting used of thinking about him and smile my own,
which facts he is not be with me..

I asked myself,
one day,
if I realized he had a new girl,
he happy with,
he forgot who is lilian,
how am I goin to be or feel?

1st,
he probably already forgot who am I,
or maybe not but he just no longer care am I exist or not lar..
2nd which is the most ....heartbreak part...
as i said,heartbreak part which means.....
i dont even know how will i feel or do already,
cos my heart will be real pain ...
and i wont know how long i gonna recover again,
lol...

In fact,
I do still love him,
just that im getting used of it..
and realized there no turning back,
i always told myself to wish him ...
hopefully he could found his one and only girl,
tho it could hurt me even more,
but i guess time could cure,
maybe just another stage new stage of recovering..
hmm,
which i know it would be more harder..
still have to go on with my life..

There are times i wanted to see him
call him or even text him,
but i still stop myself...

There are times i think of him,
drive his car stop infront of my house,
fetch me go out,
come inside my house,
play with my neice,
smile with him,
bring me to see his neice Yana,
show how proud he is,
show me his tongue piercing,
saying he love me...
But it just could be an illusion that make me smile.......
not a real one.......

I always blog about him and him,
were talking all by my own,
i dont care anymore....
Cos this is the place i felt safe enough to love ....
feel secure cos he wont know...
feel i could keep apologize here,
not giving him tot im crapping or talking bullshyt...
I never mean that,
just...
here is the most place to love him now...
and my heart as well.......

I never thought i could possibly love a guy for that long,
and still love him even he is not around,
think about him almost everyday,
but guess what,
im in love,
i lost him as well..
(argghh,feel like cry again!!)
what to do,
god punished me for never appreciate him ...
and i cant apprciate anymore..

if time could rewind,
I wont be that stupid anymore....
but time,
could never rewind.......

still,
tears drop......
still,
im lying myself.......
still,
I failed to stop myself for not loving him.......