12/12/09,SATURDAY..

the day only for myself,
and i done the 3 things i wanted for long after i being a single one..

went to Skin Renew for my facial treatment...
the time i let myself relax after that long and uncontrolable tension..
i feel refresh after all but my face having lotsa red spot due to my blackhead...

i get my own handbeg at last,
walking in the shopping mall alone,
yet im still thinking of him..
passing by the restaurant we last went,
i jz can't step in...
i would,perhaps one day.. maybe the day i really can let go..

but all the while i drive to the shoppin mall,or even back,
i keep noticed a lot of myvi ...lotsa myvi..
and i smile over myself,
i think about him again...

till reach night,
decided to club with my gang but they din go poppy,
so ended up i decided to go coco with my babes..
Ian,Ling,Andy and Mei shien...

the club again,
the club i once and last went with him,
i daring myself to step in it again..
on the same spot,same table...

i let myself drink as much as i could..
at 1st i keep dance and dance,
smile and smile...
till someone come over and let me drink a cup,
which makes me hot inside..
and i know i gonna be drunk..
with the bass surround me,
the feeling,
the memories ,
the spot im standing...
i let myself be the one to get drunk and enjoy much..
before i drunk,
i told Ian to take care me,
cos i know ppl is trying to make me drunk..

Ian being a good buddy of mine,
asking me to stick with him..
but people keep pulling me...
i drink and drink,
and i finally smile like a bitch..
dance like a bitch...
i even scream of all the sudden,
i cant fully rmb what had happened,
i rmb everyone is lookin at me,
but i closed my eyes and dance..

all i remember,
im crying and smiling...
finally..
i done it...
Drew,
i done it....
i cant let you go...

they keep stop me,
look at me,
im crying and crying..
dance and dance...but i close my eyes...
i take d bottle up,
drink and drink..
Mei Shien pulled me,
Ian scolded me..
Andy stop me..
every one asking me to stop..
but i cant ...
im being stubborn and crying,
cos i jz want to be in the moment,
d spot i used to be wit him..

got few times,
i open up my eyes,
illusion makes me tot i saw him,
but non once,i can saw him..
lookin at the same spot i stand with him,
i cried...
kissing the ring,
that he gave me..
what have i done,
i cant rmb,
but all i know,
my mind is about him...
i am concious,
but i done something uncontrolable,
this time,
i realized what is drunk...

i even rmb one more thing,
when im in the car,
im crying....
i dail up his number,
it ring,
but the one answer,
is not him...
i hang up....

what happening afterwards,
i dont want to tell,
cause all just keep in my mind...
but the most important i must hide,
is i still love and miss him badly..

the night were the night i finally set myself free...
till when im back,i wake up in the morning,
i realized...
everything back to normal again...
but one thing i done,
i set myself free for once...

and they saw...
how crazy and stupid im being on the night..
sorry guys...
if thats what make you guys hate me,
i just can apologize..

Ian,
you asked me to felt sry for myself..
i know what you meant,
just let me be,
just stubborn awhile...
=)