【ღ Poizon's life ღ】
♂ღ♡ Feel me by this way ♂ღ♡

Part of it i realized, is true ...

whats today?
let see what story below ...

PART I
working just as usual in the office,
got no time to think but i wonder,
why would i have time to online and search vacancy in job street?
nehh,
doesn't matter..

while im working concentrately,
im taking out my earphone to listen songs just like usual..
at the 1st i was worried i might think of him while i listen to songs,
yet...
i dont realized i already thinking about him...

listen all the club songs,
till it d next song played...
"keep you much longer"
my heart..
hardly to describe how does it feels like ...
i hang on the second,
wanted to press forward to a next song,
but ended up..
i told myself,
"just think about him for how long this song play"
i know im working,
but my mind were about him...
not just him,
but his girl as well ....
there songs stands nth for both of us,
but there is something i can felt thru that song,
and how much i afraid..

d pain kills me every heart beat ...
till i don't realized my colleague were beside me,
"lilian! "
"yes???!"
"eh,i call u for few times d u lagi dont want choi me..."
"sry sry ... heh,too serious on working ..."
"dreaming lar u,why got tears on ur face 1?"
i was shocked...
only i realized i cried ....
"no lar,sleepy mar... too tired ed..."
"sleepy?awhile said serious work awhile said sleepy?"
i dont response but jump to other topic ...
i wipe away my tears ...
i dont know why,
but i feel the tears is hot ...

after talked with colleague,
suddenly felt like reading his blog,
ever since i listen the song,
i told myself might just think and look what he post..
saw the latest he post,
and realized there is a comment ...
i closed after i read,
tell myself not to read the comment,
cos i know is her the one who post ...
ended up,
i re-open his blog and read it ..

my mind suddenly thoughts of,
"the evil murderer" ...
someone who posted comment on my previous post ..
which i've been thinking,
is it someone who he knew?
or maybe her?
i used to told the evil murderer that i can feel something ...
i never tell but i feel like is her...
but no matter what,
i let the question mark gone as my heart were real pain and it making me headache ..

i could be tired till insane,
were screaming in the car while im driving..
drive this lousy car with the speed i can go on..
few times i got into accident,
cos i been looking at the white myvi tat passby...

i slow it down,
stop myself beside the highway,
taking out my handbeg,
but i realized i forgot to bring it ..
i were real pissed that i forgot,
and even thinking of to buy one ....
yet,
ended up i decided to speed up and drive as fast as i could,
met up my babe at least there is someone i can talk to ...
crapping and being insane one infront of her ...

Part II
open up my laptop once i reached home after bullshytting with my babe..
done the things i always do,
facebook and msn...
nonetheless,
i opened up his facebook although he deleted me ...
went to his girl facebook,
saw the blog url link she written down..
without thinking much,
i dare myself to read ...

where about him and her ..
whereby till i read ..."DnB story" ..
i were shocked,
wonder how she knew about DnB..
there is no more DnB should exist in other people sight,
DnB the one i kept for myself ...
from that time,
my tears in my eyes...
and there goes,
my heart pain even harder ...
i continued read every post she posted...
and i realized,
what i sense are correct...
she is the "evil murderer" ...
i cried and read her post..
mentioned about what i post in my own blog ...
about i wrote how bitch i am,
about what i've done to myself to forget about him ...
i cried ...

somehow the place i felt safe,
is the most obvious place about me ...

why he came to my blog?
cos she told him about what i post ...
i felt im silly,
cos i thought he care..
somehow no,
cos she told him ...
i feel like im getting sympathy...
how fukin funny is that?
im seriously being a bitch crying over here,
and the one i loved,
his girl read every post i posted here ...

like how i cant stop crying now ...
i felt i much more useless of how i thought ...

somehow,
he is very enjoyed with her after i read both of their blog...
they done whatever we never get the chance to do ...
especially the place i hope to go with him,
Kajang...
the things i wanted to eat,
Satay...
the place i most afraid of cos he the one who bring me go,
Desapark City...
they've done everything i hope ...
somehow i got replaced...
while i realized he loved her so much ...

i thought i can stop crying,
i tot i can moved on,
yet....
lol ....
damn fuking funny wei ...

while im crying here,
they were both happy with each other..
while i thought im safe to love here,
yet is the most dangerous place ...

if you saw this,
dont post anything,
cos im still in pain ...
dont even say anything,
cos i am freaking pain ..
i never meant to not letting go him,
somehow is just hard and getting harder..

you doesnt feel the same way,
you gone thru like how im walking now ..
u met him,
the one i loved..
you got it ..
appreciate him is what you can do..
if you want me to get thru this ...

all i wish for,
he could be happy with you ...
nothing much i hope for,
even there is,
there is no way it gonna becoming true..

you said you know how i felt...
but what i hope,
he wont know about it ...
i kept this secret on myself,
and you ..
you just go on being with him and love him..

i tried my best to smile,
tried my best to walk...
dont worry,
cos i realized the fact you told me...
and ...
he no longer love me,
thats the fact ...
thanks for concern and post the comment,
i appreciate it ...

but u wont ever know,
what is the real pain,
of what im having now ...
cos you gone thru,
and the pain gone cover by the love he gave you ..
loves from him covers the pain that you got ...
and you wont know the pain now even you said u do ...
trust me...
you dont ...

seeing he happy,
the tears i drop now...
i could smile and cry ...
thank you ......
for letting me know,
that you were "evil murderer" .....

feels like having one ...
and drink my vodka ...
fucked up,
im going out to watch the sky fills with whites ,
and take my vodka out as well ...

now,
i smiled in pain .............

p/s: whoever read this, thanks but dont post anything ... read and forget, thats it ...

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